Tuesday, 11 March 2014

Storm

In the depths of my solitude,
Myriad glimpses of fears stalk,
Around the corner a teardrop falls,
Silently into the abyss of shame.

My hands in chains my feet bleeding,
I crawl to the door to open the way,
Right into the heart of the storm,
I will find my road to the end.

I've fallen so many times,
And woken up with a start,
Tired with facing my scars,
You'll not understand the failure I am.

I've weaved a net through time,
And tossed it out to the clouds,
And gathered a fistful of starlight,
Which the wind carried away from me.

The rip through my heart is evident,
In every breath I take, make no mistake,
It's still beating for nothing in general,
For everything has turned to stone.

Tuesday, 4 February 2014

Paradox

You crawl under my skin,
Like a shiver up my heart,
You bring back forgotten words,
That made me bleed from the start,
You know you've won still you need,
To see me fear everything,
It's not too much it's not the end,
I'll breathe your hate and indifference,
It's all a game of truth and lies,
That you've always been playing.

I've walked away from the light,
But my shadow still follows me,
You'll be world's apart but even then,
I know you'll be listening and waiting,
To hear my heart break, to hear me cry,
But you won't ever know the reason why,
Go on now you've had your fill,
I'm tired of all the flashbacks,
I'm done with all the rage.

The stage was set, the roles were played,
The curtain fell, the whole world left.
The drama ended, the scripts were read,
And I found closure in falling apart,
The paradox of hating and loving,
All the the same moment,
Shattered across the midnight sky,
Under fake stars the promise was made,
That lay crumbled in the corner now.

Tuesday, 31 December 2013

Until

The sinking sun is divine,
The loss of life is meant to be,
You left me standing on the doorstep,
With a promise to never return.
I see the tides rise and ebb,
But time seems a riddle deep,
The shores call to drown in the waves,
Become just a mere memory.
When I fall into my grave,
I can see the stars shining bright,
Of all the disappointments I have faced,
The biggest one would be life.
It's ok to let it be, ok to just be,
It's a part of god's dramatic comedy.
So fear not stranger, I wish no harm,
I'm just a passing storm in rage,
I'll soon disappear leaving no trace,
Of all the things I have destroyed.
There must be a road that leads to the end,
Where everything is upside down,
I shall sing under haunted skies,
Until its time for dawn to come.
To that place I shall go,
And find my ride to the other side.

Saturday, 28 December 2013

All about lies

Sometimes there are certain instances, certain flashes of recognition that sort of makes you look back into a past that you'd rather not go to. Like a string tugging you down memory lane where pictures are stacked for show and each one tells a story that was once very important to you. You don't usually go there, with all your daily squabbles and problems keeping you busy, but once in a while they suddenly take over and you're there surrounded by thousands of words written in the air all from a distant past.
Nothingness can also be a state of existence. But how does one go about it? Every moment you spend with those memories, reliving them all you feel is nothingness. It can be a tiring place. The silence is calming but also unnerving, and the stillness mildly suffocating.
You know that there is no relevance whatsoever. Like it's something frozen and probably Will stay frozen forever. But yet you wish it wasn't because then you'd get the answers to your questions without having to ask them. You wonder what brought you here in the first place, yet you don't move, you feel oddly comforted in their midst, like you've found an old friend after a long time. And before you know it you miss those moments and you ask yourself why. You wonder, what made you stop and remember, what is it that they hold in them that you couldn't help but look back.
Life has a way of getting back at you. It breaks you into tiny pieces. Each part liking different people, Wanting different things, living different lives... So then how do you know which part of you is real? You prefer getting lost in the crowd rather than answer the questions your past keeps on asking you. Somewhere you know the answers. You know what they mean and why you're running away. You know that if you acknowledge them, the walls you've built will all come crumbling down, your lies will falter, and you'd be back in the void from which you escaped only so narrowly.
It's funny, even ironic, the extent you'd go to to defend your existence, everytime you fall... And everytime you realize why, whatever little you had fixed goes to waste and lies in a rubble. And yet you sit, patiently, building the same lies, the same air of non chalance as if nothing has ever happened, safe behind a new wall.

Tuesday, 22 October 2013

Sweet sweet sunlight,
Falling on the grass,
Little dewdrops between my toes,
As I fall arms outstretched into the field.

Brave heart goes fluttering by,
Into the deep blue sky,
Soaking in slowly,
The intoxication of freedom.

Saturday, 19 October 2013

How far are you willing to run

How far are you willing to run? Not from people. Or from memories. But from yourself. From what you've become. What I've become. There must be a place in this big world where I can go to and just become a part of the shadows. Where I wouldnt need to think. Or feel. Or speak.

You think you can pull it off. A massive crash will not damage a dream. That the rubble can be rebuilt again stone by stone.
Faith. Something which sounds so hollow. Which falls like thunder and imprints a scar so deep, so burnt that even healing it seems like a joke.
They say a picture conveys a thousand words. But they are wrong. It's the eyes. That feeling when you see them change and for the first time fear what lies behind.
You learn to lie to people. Lie to the mirror. See beyond yourself right through to the wall behind. Time plays tricks with you. It teaches you to pretend. To laugh at nothing in particular. To be this bubbly person. To easily say things like I'm fine and so so happy. And soon all the fakeness becomes real. You become the character you were playing.

Have you felt life leaving you? You can see the light dim. Feel it run out slowly but so surely. But your heart doesn't stop beating. You wish it did. You'd wish for it every second, every breath.
Your head can feel like a battle field. But all there lies are wounds. You can't touch them. They don't heal.

This is how it feels then. To wait for the end. You don't feel scared of dying. You feel scared of living. That every step you take to stand up, you slip deeper into the darkness, till it becomes you. You expect your heart will stop beating, it hurts so much, but that would be a relief. Instead it keeps on aching, a constant reminder that you've been a fool. That you've played a deadly gamble and lost everything to a moment. You can't hurt the world. So the hurt turns inside and rips you apart. All you feel is the pain but not a whisper escapes your lips. You want to keep on running but your feet don't move.
But still you keep on asking yourself- how far are you willing to run.

Wednesday, 16 October 2013

Scattered pictures

Into the silence there leads a road,
Twisting it's way through death's loving arms,
Deciding the fate of stories untold,
Into the silence there leads a road.

A little voice weeps inside my heart,
It's playthings scattered on the floor,
Everything broken lying to rot,
A little voice weeps inside my heart.

The sun has set for an eternal night,
The knight rode off into the twilight,
The last rays kiss the forehead of sleep,
The sun has set for an eternal night.

My fists pound on a closed door,
Whispers are heard through the keyhole,
My eyes are shut to the lies galore,
My fists pound on a closed door.